


Where He Was

by themoongirl



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Kidnapping, M/M, Physical Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, Torture, one shot for Where Did We Go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-08-15 01:42:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8037304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themoongirl/pseuds/themoongirl
Summary: You know the story of what happened when Tyler was reunited with Josh after being kidnapped for 3 years, now see what happened to him during that time.One shot/Prequel to Where Did We Go. (can be read if you haven't read WDWG)





	Where He Was

Ski masks, blurry vision, ringing in his ears, a running nose. Every inch of his body felt like ice, every bone felt like it was going to shatter. His brain felt foggy, his throat felt closed. Every bit of water in his body seemed to be coming out in streams of tears through his eyes, although his lips felt like a barren desert.

Tyler Joseph felt like the weight of the world just came crashing down onto him, and he was falling deeper into the realm of pain and disbelief. The words he kept repeating in his head were _this isn’t happening, this can’t be real, this is a nightmare._

But it was happening, it was real, and he was very much awake.

-

“Please, please just tell me what’s going on!” Tyler was yelling from inside of his “new room”, aka, his “new cell”. The room he was in had no windows, the only light coming from a dull lamp in the corner of the room. Beside the lamp was a tiny bed, and a door that led to a bathroom.

It was cold, very very cold.

“I don’t know what’s happening, please…” Tyler tried to yell loudly, but he could barely stand, let alone yell.

 _They_ had dropped him in here a few days ago, and he hadn’t heard from them since, besides the occasional cup of water that was slid through the door.

Tyler didn’t want to spend any amount of time with these people, but he was getting worried. He was starved, he could barely stand from lack of food, and curiosity was starting to get the best of him. He needed answers. He needed to know what was going on.

But that answer didn’t come for another day or two. At this point, Tyler was beyond weak. He was laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling drifting in and out of consciousness when two people came into the room, pulling him up and dragging him to the outer hallways.

Tyler had no energy to speak, let alone walk, so he let himself be dragged as the hallway passed by him in a blur.

He was taken to a cafeteria-like room where he was shoved into a chair, unhandcuffed. They weren’t intimidated by his weak form.

“Tyler Joseph,” A man’s voice spoke through the silence.

Tyler weakly looked up as a man, around sixty it would seem, with a white beard and white hair sat down across from him. The man placed a sandwich on a plate down on the table between them. Tyler couldn’t take his eyes off of it.

“Eat,” The man said, smiling.

Tyler wanted to say no, not trusting anything given to him by a stranger, but he physically could not stop his hands from moving to pick up the sandwich. He needed food more than anything right now, his hands shaking.

He chewed slowly, not wanting to upset his stomach. He looked up and met the man’s eyes, and he almost flinched away at the piercing grey that they were. 

“I’m Dr. F,” The man said, still smiling. “All we need from you here is your cooperation, alright? And welcome.”

Tyler hesitated, clearing his throat. “Cooperation for what?” His voice was croaky.

“That is classified,” Dr. F, standing up. “Enjoy your stay.”

Tyler popped the last bite of his sandwich in his mouth, panicking. He swallowed. 

“Wait, please, what’s happening? I don’-”

“I told you, that’s classified,” Dr. F looked down at him. 

“You can’t just-” Tyler began.

“Shut him up,” Dr. F murmured to someone, walking out of the room. “Prepare for day one.”

The people behind him were suddenly yanking his hands behind his back and handcuffing them together as a gag was shoved into his mouth. He struggled, but he was still incredibly weak.

He was pulled up and brought to another very small room. There was a large bucket of water in the middle of the room, and two large men standing beside it. They were smiling as Tyler was brought inside and shoved to his knees, the gag removed from his mouth.

“Ready to go swimming?” One of the men laughed as the door was slammed shut behind them.

Tyler realized what was going to happen, and he almost threw up the sandwich he just ate. Torture. He was going to be tortured. He wanted to beg, to scream at them to stop, but he held onto his pride. Cooperation. The last thing he wanted was to cooperate, the but the logical part in his mind was laying out the basics.

He was somewhere he had no clue of as to where. He was weak, he was outnumbered, and he was seriously lacking information. There was nothing he could do at the moment. He had to accept that. 

For now.

His thoughts were interrupted as one of the men grabbed his hair and yanked his head under the water.

He couldn’t breathe. He held his breath for as long as he could, but then it became too much. He thrashed around as his entire world became dependant on getting out of the water, of breathing. It was a sensation like nothing he had ever experienced. He wanted to inhale, his mind screaming at him _oxygen oxygen oxygen…_

He was pulled out by his hair and thrown to the ground, coughing and sputtering. He crouched over, trying to breathe as much in as he could. That’s when he realized that the men behind him were laughing.

“This one’s going to be fun,” They chuckled as he was grabbed again and pushed into the water.

When he was pulled out again he found the words slipping from his mouth before he could stop them.

“Please…” He spluttered. “Please stop.”

“Aw, how cute,” The bigger one grinned as the other man picked up a syringe that was sitting on the table in the corner of the room. The smaller of the two handed the bigger one the syringe, and then he was uncuffing Tyler’s hands.

“Jones here is going to give you a little something for the pain…” He smiled as ‘Jones’ crouched down over Tyler. 

Tyler tried to scootch back away from him, but Jones grabbed his arm in a painful grip and was quickly inserting the, well, whatever it was, into Tyler.

He didn’t understand why the two men were staring at him so intently, as if they were waiting for something to happen. He thought they were just giving him some sort of pain medication.

But did that make sense?

Also why were they torturing him in the first place? They weren’t asking him any questions as if they were trying to get something out of him, no, they were just doing it.

Tyler’s thoughts were interrupted when Jones was sighing and standing up.

“Is that all for today?” He was asking the other man. 

The other man nodded. “Knock him out.”

Tyler barely had time to register anything before Jones was punching him flat into the face, and then he passed out. 

-

The next few days were pretty much the same, except the type of torture changed. Some days he was waterboarded, others it was electric shocks, or just being punched. He was given the “pain meds” at the end every single time.

And Tyler was starting to lose it.

Maybe it was the pain, maybe it was the lack of people to talk to, maybe it was the overwhelming feeling of helplessness, but he started asking about Josh.

He didn’t really know why he started asking, it all just became a little too much. He needed Josh more than anything. He needed his vibrant hair, his abnormally perfect teeth, his laugh, his smile, his touch. Maybe he was touch starved, or Josh starved. Either way, the delusions in his head told him that maybe, just maybe, they would give him an answer.

So when he was pulled out of his room, he would start asking.

“Please just tell me how Josh is doing, please, that’s all I want…” Tyler begged.

They would shake their heads and ignore him.

The first few times.

Then they started getting annoyed with him.

“Is Josh okay? Please just tell me if he’s okay,” Tyler said as they strapped him onto some sort of table.

“I’m serious kid, stop asking about your fucking boyfriend,” Jones growled.

“I want to see him, please,” He said as his eyes filled with tears. It was a rougher day than usual, he hadn’t slept at all the night before and Jones had hit him a little harder than he usually did. He thought that he possibly had a concussion, but his thoughts were only on Josh.

Jones slapped him. “Mention him one more time and you won’t be fed tonight.”

Tyler clamped his mouth shut, knowing how hard it was going without food. Instead he just sat there quietly as they inspected him, tears rolling down his face.

He was back to mentioning him again the next day, and that’s when his world truly fell apart.

“You know what, fine!” Jones said after he pulled him out of the water. “You want your answers? You want to know about Josh?”

Tyler stared at him. “Please…”

“Fine! He’s dead. Has been for awhile, we didn’t want to tell you this way, but since you’re being so damn annoying, there’s your answer.”

Tyler just stared.

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Fuck, yes, you goddamn idiot. He’s dead. Gone. Not coming back.”

And Tyler went nuts. He threw himself at Jones, and Jones just pushed him back, punching him in the face. And then the stomach. Tyler fought back like he had never fought back before, but he was still no match for Jones. All Tyler could see was red. All Tyler could hear was ringing. All Tyler could do was charge.

Jones beat him until he passed out.

-

Tyler became practically dead to the world after that.

He sobbed, every single night for about a week straight, and then he became very very still. He sat on the floor in his room and stared at the wall, his face and mind blank.

He didn’t say a word when he was tortured. Not a single one. In fact, he didn’t say a word to anyone. Even Jones looked at him a little weird, questioning his silence. Tyler didn’t look at him. He didn’t meet anyone’s eyes. He just stared blankly, feeling out of his body.

He wanted to die.

He didn’t eat the food they gave him, hoping that he would eventually just die of starvation. He thought long and hard about how to die, how he could do it with the supplies he had. Starvation was the easiest. He didn’t feel like eating, anyway.

Josh was gone. The only person he truly cared about was gone.

He could be with him if he died. And his dad.

Tyler probably would have done it too, if it wasn’t for _them_. The people that came next.

Tyler often wondered if maybe it was because of him that this next part was put into play. He wondered if they were worried that there was something genuinely wrong with him, so they decided to take him outside.

That’s when he met the kids. 

Kenny, Ted and Erik. All around his age, all just as terrified as him.

“Tyler, meet Kenny, Erik, and Ted. Consider this a gift from us.” Jones said before leaving them alone.

It started with those three, and then Anthony was thrown in about a week later. Anthony was younger, about fifteen when they first got there. 

He had red hair.

He reminded Tyler of Josh.

None of them really spoke to each other at first. They saw each other once or twice a week, in a little area outside that was gated and guarded. It was grassy and open, unlike the inside. Tyler sat in the corner and didn’t say a word. But one day, Anthony approached him.

“How are you today?” Anthony asked, sitting in front of him.

Tyler looked up, meeting his eyes. It was such a simple question, but it made Tyler’s body react. It was the first time anyone had asked about his well being in weeks, the first time that anyone has cared. Tyler went to speak, but instead he just shook his head, not finding the words.

Anthony nodded. “I feel the same.”

Anthony sat there after that, not saying anything, but it made Tyler feel something. He hadn’t felt anything since he found out Josh was dead. 

He held onto that feeling.

The next time that the five of them were taken outside was when they finally broke down the invisible barriers and began speaking to each other.

“Are we all getting the same treatment?” Kenny spoke up, looking at all of them. Kenny had jet black hair and blue eyes.

“Depends,” Ted spoke up. He had blonde hair and blue eyes. “They torture me. All kinds.”

“Same,” Anthony said quietly.

Erik and Kenny replied with nods. Erik had a strong build and brown eyes. They looked at Tyler. Tyler gave them a slight nod before retreating his eyes back to the ground.

“Well, lovely,” Ted said sarcastically, plopping down so that he was laying on his back staring at the sky.

Anthony looked at Tyler. “Why are they doing this to us?”

 

Tyler met his eyes. He shrugged.

“You don’t talk much,” Anthony said.

“Can you blame him?” Kenny said, looking over at them. 

Tyler looked up at them. “Just not up to talking.”

Anthony leaned against the fence across from Tyler, looking very sad. He looked so young in that moment, Tyler’s heart hurt. 

“I want to go home,” Anthony said quietly.

“Yeah well, don’t count on that happening anytime soon kid,” Erik said, sighing and picking at the grass.

For some reason, that made Tyler feel angry. “That’s real positive,” He said, looking at him with daggers in his eyes.

Erik shrugged. “I’m not much of an optimist.”

Josh was an optimist. Josh was positive about everything in life, always looking for the good in people.

“Yeah, I gathered that,” Tyler replied, turning his attention back to Anthony. “Don’t give up hope.”

Anthony looked at him. “My mom’s probably worried sick.”

That struck a chord in Tyler. His mom was probably at home celebrating his disappearance. His aunt though, his aunt would be worried.

“My aunt will be as well,” Tyler replied quietly. He couldn’t think about Josh right now, he just couldn’t.

“God, my parents...” Kenny said, burying his face in his hands.

“My parents haven’t talked to me in years,” Ted spoke up, shrugging. “My girlfriend though... “ He started tearing up. 

Tyler couldn’t do this. He couldn’t. He couldn’t sit here and talk about family worrying about them. Josh was gone. Josh was….

His thoughts were interrupted by men coming in and stripping them from their conversation, yanking them up and bringing them back to their rooms.

That night, Tyler ate the food that they brought him.

-

His time outside with the other four quickly became the thing that Tyler looked forward to most. At first they had their disagreements, their things about themselves that didn’t quite click, but in the end they all needed each other very much. Days of endless torture and people that look at you like some sort of lab rat weren’t an easy thing to deal with, but Tyler found that he was able to get through it with the thought in mind that he would get to see the others if he did.

It was nearing the end of a particularly long day of torture. Tyler had been strangled, so breathing wasn’t the easiest, along with having his wrist broken. He knew his face probably looked like a mess, so when he was brought outside to see the others he immediately sat down against the fence, enjoying the fresh air.

The others looked pretty beaten up as well, all having bruises over their faces and dark circles under their eyes. Anthony came over and sat beside Tyler. It was routine now. Tyler and Anthony were probably the closest out of all of them.

“How are you?” Anthony asked his routine question.

“I’m alive,” Tyler replied. “So pretty awful.”

Anthony said nothing, staring at the grass.

“You never mentioned your parents before,” Anthony said quietly, hesitating as if he already knew the answer.

The others were looking at them now as well, curiosity taking over.

Tyler sighed. “Dad is dead. Mom beat the crap out of me.” He said simply.

“Dude, I’m sorry,” Erik said, looking sympathetic. Ted and Kenny nodded.

Anthony just stared at him. Tyler shrugged. “S’okay.”

They were all quiet, not really knowing what to say. Until Ted spoke up. 

“My dad used to hit me,” Ted said. “Only sometimes, but I didn’t forget it. When he found out I’m gay, well, he almost lost it, so I left. Got no contact from my mom or dad after that.”

Tyler looked at him. “I think my mom knew, that I’m gay, I mean. She uh, she hit me my whole life, but when she found out about my boyfriend-”

Tyler cut himself off. Boyfriend. Josh. Josh is dead. Josh.

He suddenly couldn’t breathe. His hands started shaking violently, and then he was bringing his legs up and tucking them to his chest, burying his head. The dam was broken again. He started sobbing.

He felt Anthony rubbing his back, trying to calm him down. He could faintly hear the others asking if he’s okay, what they can do, etc, but he couldn’t breathe.

“H-he’s dead,” Tyler choked out. Anthony gasped. “They told m-me.”

“Oh my god…” Kenny faintly said.

Tyler crossed his legs, trying to dry his tears with his sleeve. “I’m sorry I-”

“God no, don’t apologize,” Erik spoke up, looking at him. “We’re here for you, Tyler. Really. We have to have each others backs now.

“I agree,” Anthony said, looking at him. “I know it’s hard, but you’re not alone here.”

“It’s true,” Ted said. “One of these days we’re going to kick these bastards in the ass, make them pay for what they’re doing to us.”

For the first time since he got here, Tyler’s heart felt like it was piecing itself back together.

“Thank you guys,” Tyler said quietly.

“We’ll get through this,” Anthony said, his red hair prominent as Tyler looked at him. “I know we can.”

-

Tyler was strapped to a table, unable to move with a gag in his mouth. He stared at the ceiling, used to everything at this point. He was waiting for Jones to come in, waiting for him to begin today’s events when instead, Dr. F was walking into the room.

“How are you today Tyler?” He asked, holding a clipboard and smiling down at him. Someone behind Tyler was taking the gag out. 

Tyler didn’t answer. Only Anthony was allowed to ask him that question.

Dr. F sighed as he sat down on the table, too close than Tyler liked. “I expect you to answer me when I ask a question, Tyler.”

Tyler just stared at him.

Dr. F was then standing up and walking over to the back of the room. When he came back into sight he had a knife. He sat back down on the table beside Tyler and began tracing the knife down Tyler’s arm, a trail of blood rising. The pain started, but Tyler did not feel like answering this man.

“Tyler,” He said sternly. He lowered his head so that he was inches from Tyler’s face. He brought the knife up and started cutting his cheeks. Tyler squeezed his eyes shut, hating the whimper that escaped his mouth.

“I will ask you again,” Dr. F said, eyes piercing into Tyler’s when they reopened. “How are you?”

Tyler couldn’t take it. “Fuck you.”

Dr. F stopped. He sat up and rubbed the blood off of the knife and onto his pants. He smiled at Tyler, before standing up and looking over at Jones in the corner of the room.

“Make it worse today, Jones,” He said, walking out of the room. “Have fun.”

-

“Jesus Tyler, your face…” Erik said when Tyler met up with them that day. 

Jones had cut him up and spit him out, basically. He had to have stitches put into his face and his arm put back in a sling after his beating. His body ached the worst it had since he got here, but he was happy to see the others.

“Those are going to scar,” Anthony said as Tyler sat down. 

Tyler ran a hand through his hair. “I pissed Dr. F off.”

“Oh,” Kenny said, sighing. “Yeah, that will do it.”

“How can a man be so calm one minute, but so scary the next?” Erik asked. He had two black eyes and he was holding his ribs more than usual. “God I hate him.”

“I haven’t had food in two days,” Anthony said. 

Tyler looked at him, noticing that he looked weaker. Strangely enough, the starvation was probably the worst torture. Tyler hated that Anthony was going through it right now. 

Tyler turned to Anthony. “You can get through this.”

Anthony offered him a small smile. “So can you.”

“We all can.”

How wrong they were.

-

It started happening so fast. 

At 1218 days in captivity, only four of them are taken to see each other outside.

“Where’s Kenny?” Erik asked.

One of the men in a white lab coat looks at them, no sympathy in his eyes. “He has passed.”

Tyler feels his heart stop. 

For three years they had survived together.

Now one of their own is gone.

“No…” Anthony brings a hand up to his mouth, tears filling in his eyes.

That was the only word that was spoken. They all just sat there and cried, horror filling their minds. Kenny always had something nice to offer, something to say to bring them out of their tortured minds. And he was gone. Worry started etching into their minds about what this could mean. They had lived for three years, why did Kenny die now?

Tyler thought about Josh. He thought about how the world kept taking people he cares about. 

And he cried.

-

At 1295 days, it is only Anthony and Tyler who show up outside.

Tyler knows what’s happening before they even have to say it.

“Erik and Ted have passed.”

For the first time in the three years that they have been there, Anthony and Tyler hug. They hug, they sink to the ground, and they sob.

“B-both of them…” Anthony chokes out.

“I know, I know,” Tyler hushes him, feeling numb.

Anthony pulls away. He’s almost eighteen now, the age Tyler was when he was first taken to this hell hole. Tyler looks at him, really looks at him. He thinks about Anthony’s intelligence, his quick wit and his maturity for his age. He thinks about all that Anthony could accomplish if he wasn’t stuck here, if he hadn’t of been given this life. 

And Anthony looks weaker. His skin is paler, his waist thinner, his eyes more tired. Tyler himself doesn’t feel any worse than he usually does, and he knows deep down what this means, but he can’t bring himself to think it, let alone say it.

Anthony stares at him, as if knowing exactly what’s going on in Tyler’s head. 

“Thank you for being here with me, Ty,” Anthony says, a small smile forming on his face. “You’ll never know what this means to me.”

“Hey, don’t speak like that,” Tyler begins, but Anthony shakes his head.

“No,” He says, looking up at Tyler weakly. “Just, thank you. I wish things could have been different. I wish we could have been friends outside of here.”

Tyler looks at him through tear filled eyes. “I don’t want to lose you, too.”

“You can get out of here,” Anthony said. “I know you can. You’ll have a chance, and when that chance arrives, you take it and you run like hell.”

Tyler has tears running down his face. “I don’t know-”

“Yes you do,” Anthony says. “God, this has to mean something. This has to be for some reason, Ty. This can’t be for nothing. If you get a second chance at life, this will all have been worth it.”

“Anthony-”

He’s interrupted by the people pulling them apart and lifting them up.

“No, NO!” Tyler yells, wanting to have more time. He doesn’t want this to be the last time he sees Anthony.

Anthony isn’t struggling. He’s smiling at Tyler. 

“I believe in you.”

And that’s the last thing he says to Tyler.

-

At 1307 days, things get really quiet. Tyler is brought water, and for the next few days, silence.

He mourns Anthony. He mourns Kenny and Ted and Erik.

He mourns Josh.

He mourns all of those that were taken from him. He mourns who he used to be, he mourns his dad, he mourns his old life.

And then one morning he’s being handcuffed and taken out of his room. 

He’s preparing himself to be taken into a room and waterboarded, or strangled, or beaten or anything that’s become his life, but that’s not what happens.

A bag is placed over his head, and he hears an engine running.

He’s outside.

He’s being pushed into what feels like a van, and then he hears doors slamming. The bag is taken off of his head.

He is indeed in the back of a van, the windows covered. His hands are still handcuffed, and he’s sitting there with a few people with ski masks and Jones in the front seat driving. 

He opens his mouth to ask what’s happening, but after three years of this place he knows it’s better to keep his mouth shut.

And so they drive. He sits there wondering what the hell is going on, when Anthony’s voice is ringing in his head.

_You’ll have a chance, and when that chance arrives, you take it and you run like hell._

He has to do something.

Three years in the same building. And now he’s in a van.

He has to try something.

Anything.

They drive and they drive and they drive, for about an hour, and the others are distracted. They’re on there phones, or speaking to each other, so Tyler moves slightly. 

He starts with focusing on his wrists. 

He pulls them slightly, giving them a little tug. His hands start to feel warm, almost as if he can feel…. Power. But that doesn’t make sense?

He doesn’t have time to think. He tugs them a little more, feeling the metal start to give. His heart is hammering in his chest. He looks up around at the others, but they’re unnoticing of what’s happening. He tries to slow his breathing, make his face look normal. 

He tugs a little more, and the cuffs are almost completely broken. He stops. He looks up at the door that opens up the back of the van. If he has the strength to break these cuffs, he may be able to break the door. 

He’s going to have to do it quickly. As soon as he breaks the cuffs he’s going to have to jump up and break the door. He has to do it all in one go.

He breathes. _Just do it, Tyler. This is your chance. This is your one chance._

_Take it and run like hell._

The van is at a stop light, at least that’s what it feels like. This is it.

The cuffs fall off of him, and then he’s hopping up. The people in the van are looking at him like he just murdered someone, shock in their eyes, and Tyler takes this moment to charge at the back of the van.

It opens up easily. Too easily. But he doesn’t have time to stop and wonder how he just did that, no. He’s running out of the van, and sprinting down the street.

He hears his captors screaming at him, but he doesn’t look back. He’s overwhelmed by everything happening around him. There’s people walking down streets, staring at him sprinting. The sun is setting, there are cars zooming on the streets, there are tall buildings. His heart is racing… it’s all too much.

He has to stop. He can’t handle it. Three years in captivity, and now this. It’s too much all at once. 

No, he has to keep running.

He doesn’t know how long he runs, but eventually he realizes that he’s not being followed. He sees a coffee shop. The logical side of his mind his leading him, telling him he needs help. He breathes, and jogs up to the shop. He hesitates, trying to catch his breath. He opens the door.

A few people sitting at tables around the shop look up at him. He looks at them. They stare at him, one woman covers her mouth. Tyler realizes that his face is still bruised, and he has scars on his face. He’s also sweaty, and skinny, and wearing dirty clothes.

A barista is walking over to him, staring at him nervously.

“I-I, um,” Tyler stutters. “I-I need…” 

The barista’s eyes are worried. “Sir, are you okay?”

“I-I… no, I-”

“Sir? What can I do?” The barista asks.

Tyler exhales. These people aren’t going to hurt him. “I need help.”

-

Things after that happened quick and in a blur. He was led to the back break room where a few of the baristas helped him sit down. He flinched away from their touch, and didn’t meet any of their eyes. He was terrified, and overwhelmed, and he felt like he was just going through the motions and not actually experiencing any of this. The lights were blinding, the difference in location was trippy, and his head was pounding.

When the police showed up, Tyler muttered his name. They looked at him confused at first, until one of them had recognition pass through her eyes. “He’s been missing, for... awhile,” She said, covering her mouth with her hand.

Because this is Tyler Joseph. The boy that went missing three years ago. The boy that was plastered on news stations everywhere along with four others. And the four others were found dead, but this one was here. Alive.

They were springing into action after that. When he refused to speak to them, they led him to their car where he was driven to the hospital. The entire time Tyler sat there in the car in silence, not being able to speak. The police eventually understood and went quiet, turning on the radio and playing soft music.

Now he’s sitting in a hospital, still not quite believing that what’s happening is real. 

He felt like a stone. He felt like he couldn’t process anything. He thought he should feel happiness, relief, but he didn’t feel any of it. He felt numb.

They ran some tests after noticing the track marks on his arms, and Tyler mentally panicked. The stuff those people had been injecting itno him with wasn’t normal, he had realized that after the 100th time of it being used. He didn’t want them to take him to a lab to be used as another lab rat, he couldn’t do it, he couldn’t.

But nothing came up in the hospital’s records. He breathed a sigh of relief, but he knew this wasn’t over. He would later realize how right he was.

He sat there for a long time. Nurses came in and out of the room to see if he needed anything, but he just shook his head every time. He wouldn’t look at the police, wouldn’t speak to them, and the reasoning was that he quite simply didn’t have it in him. He was drained.

He needed a familiar face. He felt like he had been picked up by aliens and taken to an entirely different world for three years, and now he was dropped back to earth where he didn’t recognize anybody. All of these faces, these concerned faces, were unfamiliar to him. He wanted to trust them, because deep down he knew they were just trying to help, but he genuinely could not do it.

And then his aunt Eli was walking into the hospital room.

Seeing her made his heart start pounding. He looked at her for a second, studying her face, studying her every wrinkle and feature on his face. That’s when he realized that she was all he had left.

She looked at him, tears in her eyes and looking absolutely exhausted. And then she was hugging him. 

Tyler kept his hands at his side, but then his body was reacting without him thinking, and he was bringing his arms up to hug her back as Eli let out a sob. Tyler felt a small tear leak out of his eyes, and he squeezed his eyes shut.

She pulled away, and looked him up and down.

“Tyler, honey, I-” She brought a shaking hand up to her mouth, still looking him up and down. “I, wow, there are no words.”

He wiped another tear. “I missed you.” Is all he said, hoping it would be enough.

She let out another sob. “I missed you so much.”

Eli was the type of person who just got things, to which Tyler was incredibly grateful for in this moment. She looked at him, a million words passing through her tired eyes, but she knew Tyler wouldn’t be up for talking much right now. She just understood, because she knew Tyler better than anyone. Besides Josh. So she sat down beside him and lightly traced a hand up and down his back. His heart started beating faster, the touch so foreign to him after all of this time. He could not comprehend what it was like to have someone touch him in a way that was comforting, nice, with no intention of hurting him. It made the tears fall some more.

But then her phone was buzzing. 

“Oh, it’s Josh.”

Tyler’s entire body froze. Josh.

He looked at her. “Josh?”

“Josh,” She nodded, smiling and wiping a tear. “Josh Dun, he’s probably frantic. I’m going to take this, and I’ll call him back after when you are able to have visitors.”

Tyler couldn’t speak, couldn’t move as she walked out of the room to take the call, most likely assuming that Tyler wasn’t up for talking.

Tyler felt the tears start falling down his face then. No. No no no no. Josh… Josh is alive?

He covered his face in his hands, his entire body exploding. His head started pounding some more, screaming at him. This didn’t make any sense. No, no, this couldn’t be real. This was a sick, sick trick being played on him by Dr. F.

Yes, that was it. This was a new form of torture. They had taken him to another lab where he was put under something that made him believe that he escaped, that he’s in a hospital with Eli, and Josh is alive. That’s the only explanation that any of this is happening.

He started panicking. He couldn’t breathe. His breaths were coming out in short gasps and he tugged at his hair and let out a sob. His hands were violently shaking, his heart pounding through his throat. He couldn’t let himself believe Josh is alive, he couldn’t. He spent so much time trying to mourn him, and if this is some kind of sick trick, it would break him. He would not come back from this.

Josh is alive. Josh Dun is alive.

Those words didn’t make sense to him. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move-

“Tyler! Do you need me to get a nurse-” Eli was running back into the room, she sat down beside him and held him, trying to get him to look at her.

Tyler threw his arms around Eli and just sobbed. He couldn’t speak. Couldn’t say the words that Josh is alive. He couldn’t. It couldn’t be real.

So she just held him, repeating “Shh,” and “It’s going to be alright, you’re safe”, over and over and over again.

It went on like this for another hour before he finally calmed down, and the he went cold again, his body trying to cope with everything happening. His eyes were incredibly heavy, but he couldn’t let the world break him. He felt like his brain was going to tip over, and if it did, he would lose it. But he couldn’t lose it. He couldn’t do that, not when he had made it out of there, and Anthony hadn’t. He breathed, turning himself to stone.

And then a nurse walked into the room.

“You get to go home, Tyler.”

-

The next time he broke was when he was entering his room for the first time. 

He kept a relatively apathetic face on during the drive home. He stared out the window, trying to take in everything around him, but eventually that became too difficult as well, so he just stared at his hands.

When he entered Eli’s house, or, well, his house, he felt his hands start shaking again. He squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to break in front of Eli, and then he was running upstairs.

But nothing could prepare him for his room.

The rush of emotions Tyler felt was like nothing he had ever felt before. It was almost too much, if he was honest with himself. He spotted a picture of him and Josh on his far wall and then it really was too much.

His breathing increased, and then he felt far too suffocated. He leaned against his wardrobe and slid down it, tugging at his hair. He squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to look at anything anymore. He felt like he was stepping into another person’s room, it didn’t feel like his anymore. Everything, from the picture frames to the blue paint on the walls to the pillows on his bed, felt like a strangers. 

He exhaled through his mouth, trying to calm his heartbeat. He snuck a peek at the picture of him and Josh again. It was a black and white photo (Josh had insisted because the lighting was crappy) and Josh was smiling with his mouth wide open while Tyler did a peace sign and a duck face, clearly mimicking the ever-so popular pose. Tyler found himself staring at it for longer than usual, trying to remember what it felt like to be as happy as he was in that picture.

Josh.

Josh was alive.

He had spent so much time in the past three years sobbing into his pillow thinking about how cruel the world was. Not because he was being held captive in a literal nightmare, but because someone as pure as Josh Dun didn’t get to live a full life, and that was just messed up.

He heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and he was fully preparing himself to just not answer when Eli comes in checking on him. He didn’t want to worry her, but honestly, talking to people just wasn’t an option right now. It really, really wasn’t.

_Knock knock knock._

Tyler froze, feeling himself become the face of apathy once again.

“Tyler? It’s Josh. Josh Dun. Um- I, uh, I’m here, outside the door,”

There was a time when Tyler was younger when he was outside playing soccer with a few kids. One of them kicked the ball when Tyler wasn’t looking and it hit him smack in the stomach, and he couldn’t breathe properly for a few minutes.

That’s what it felt like to hear Josh Dun’s voice after three years of thinking that he was dead.

He opened his mouth to reply to him, to say anything to him, but he found himself not being able to physically speak. His entire body was frozen, and it was the worst feeling in the world because he needed Josh more than anything in this moment, but he couldn’t speak. He couldn’t move.

“I’m here.” Came Josh’s voice again.

Tyler felt tears form in his eyes. Josh was here. Here, for him. 

Here.

 _“God, this has to mean something. This has to be for some reason, Ty. This can’t be for nothing. If you get a second chance at life, this will all have been worth it.”_ Anthony.

_“I believe in you.”_

He blinked the tears away. He took a breath. 

“Come in.”

And the rest is history.

**Author's Note:**

> i had to take several breaks while writing this bc PAIN
> 
> one of the weirdest things about being a writer is that i've known all of this information the entire time, but you guys as my readers haven't, so i'm happy you all get to finally know what went on during those 3 years
> 
> AND FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT JUST READ THIS AND HAVEN'T READ "Where Did We Go" GO READ IT! it basically picks up right where this story left off, and in Josh's POV.
> 
> thanks for reading :)


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